Blithering Idiots!
by Heretical Loyalist
Summary: Another failure wrought about by Peter Pan makes the good Captain Frustrated, but when a offer comes from Maleficent to join her faction, he refuses. Afterwards, he is killed and soon brought to the Underworld where he would form a group of unlikely individuals and releasing a potent Goddess along the way.


Chapter 1: A Pirate's Afterlife

It had been silent at the Jolly Roger which remained afloat at Neverland as the familiar Captain was pacing around frowning at his innumerable losses as he clutched his fist in absolute rage.

"BLAST THAT PETER PAN!" Hook slammed his fist on the wooden table as his most recent failure only made him more annoyed as he managed to gather the gall to finish off the squid which had hunted him down during his latest incursion.

"C-C-Captain! I'm glad you are unharmed!" The First mate, Mr. Smee, had called out to him as he went to hug him, but only felt his hand on his head as he frowned at that.

"Let me guess Smee. Everyone else ran out or died fighting the Squid didn't they?" Hook asked as he saw that it was just them and sighed in absolute irritation.

"Y-Y-Yes Captain. Was quite the battle. Thankfully I managed to retake the Jolly Roger, and was quite impressed by how you slayed the Squid." Mr. Smee explained as the Captain scowled as he needed a new crew.

"Of course… That blasted witch didn't even provide aid this time. All this for a blasted power that can corrupt any one of us. Not to mention she didn't bother checking ever since that time the Keyblade Brat and his lackeys were stowaways on my ship, I heard nothing. Not even a hello!" The Captain scowled in absolute distaste as he was slumped in his chair.

As he spoke in absolute distaste, a portal of Darkness soon showed up as Mr. Smee soon cowered behind Hook as he soon got up and frowned, crossing his arms.

"Speak of the devil. What do you want this time you blasted witch?" Hook soon asked as he felt absolute annoyance to the newly arrived Mistress of Evil.

"Captain. It's been a while. Seems you're in need of work." Maleficent had asked him as she was practically mocking him and he knew it.

"So I could be yet another of your flunkies? Why have you come here?" The captain of the Jolly Roger asked as he crossed his arms.

"That is none of your concern. I, however, am in a generous mood Captain. Join me, and you will have a spot on my council once more." She soon told him quite confidently as she knew it was leave him to rot or join her.

However, he wasn't scared as he practically lost everything as is.

"So you want me to be a tool, yet again? Well I won't have it! You swore to get me revenge on Pan, yet here we are! It seems that you're nothing more than a worse liar than I. You may leave or walk the plank. Your choice." The Captain had soon told her as he was standing up to Maleficent for the first time in his life.

"I see… Such insolence. You clearly underestimate what I can do." Maleficent told him as she frowned intensely as she soon rose her staff and was firing a thunderbolt at him, as it sent him flying into the ocean.

"Captain!" Mr. Smee shouted as he dove after him as she would soon leave through the same portal.

Tick…

Tock…

Tick…

Tock….

A too familiar sound was heard as Hook was soon looking around before he would see the most familiar Crocodile, Tick Tock, opening it's massive jaw as it would clamp into the Captain, but before doing so, Mr. Smee would soon arrive to try and save his Captain.

It wouldn't be long as the two would be eaten by the Croc which dealt them their ends as the Jolly Roger floated on the ocean as it was the only remnant of Hook's legacy as blood was soon covering parts of the Ocean.

…..

Hook soon awoke as he was looking around his surroundings as he soon saw that he was among the many souls that had died most recently.

"No…" Captain Hook muttered in absolute distaste as he soon looked at the river as it had lots of Souls stuck in its river as the boat was quite massive and was being rowed by someone he never saw before.

"Seems were both trapped Captain…" Mr. Smee called out as he was right next to his Captain, and he sighed as he made a small smile.

"So you stuck with me… even till the end. I am glad to make you my first mate Smee." The Captain told him as they were soon nearing their destination.

"Next stop…. The Underworld." The Boatswain told them as Hook and Smee both frowned as they knew where they were going.

"So we're in Hades' domain. Blast it all…" Hook scowled as he knew that there was going to be a lot of issues going to escape if he wants to take his soul back.

"What will we do Cappin?" Mr. Smee asked as he was growing increasingly concerned.

"We wait. We cannot afford to make any rash decisions now." The Captain told him as he frowned and soon they were soon forced to be in single file as they could see the God of the Underworld sorting out his newly arrived souls.

"Elysium. Tartarus. Tartarus." The Blue skinned god was clearly bored as Hook soon saw an armored knight with orange hair as he was scowling in anger.

"I shouldn't be here! I should be at Camelot!" The man scowled in rage as Hades was soon attending to him.

"Yeah, yeah yeah. What were your last words exactly?" Hades asked as he was quite bored as the roguish knight refused to say.

"I already know Ruber of Camelot. You're actually quite the failure. 'This must be my lucky day?' Dude. You had the mighty blade imbued on your hand! But nope. You stabbed it into the stone, like a moron." Hades told him as he was openly mocking him as the knight went to try and strangle him, but was easily blown back by Hades' flames.

"Just for that. Tartarus. Hope you enjoy your eternal stay." The God mocked him as he was also growing angry as Hook made a small gulp knowing he was next.

Soon Hook was approaching Hades as the God of the Underworld was narrowing his eyes.

"You had the gall to say no to Mal like that. Hey. You got what you deserved you failure of a Pirate. But don't worry, tartarus is something you deserve even more." Hades had told him clearly annoyed at him for denying her offer.

"So I would serve as another lackey? You must be dumber than a clownfish to think that." Hook made his comment as he was frowning as Hades soon turned orange.

"Is that so? Fine then. Tartarus as well! Pain. Panic!" Hades shouted as the two were soon made to show up.

"Yes your sliminess?" The two called out as Hades glared at him.

"Take him to his cell." The God of the Underworld told them as Pain and Panic both nodded immensely as they were soon taking Hook away.

….

It would take a grueling few minutes as the Captain was soon tossed into a cell as it had 3 other people inside.

"Now behave in there." Pain told him as Panic was sticking his tongue out before the two would leave.

"Hook?" A familiar British man had spoken as The Captain turned to see that one of his cellmates was none other than the Hunter, Clayton.

"Bloody hell… Clayton?" Hook asked in surprise as the man soon nodded his head.

"Glad to know someone recognized me. To think I died being a pawn of that witch." The Poacher told him as he was leaning on a wall as he clearly was not happy that Hades imprisoned him right after being squished by the Heartless.

"I died because I refused...Right before being eaten by that Crocodile." Hook told him as he was feeling a bit happier that someone he knew for a bit was there.

"Talk about dark. But if I hadn't taken her offer, I'd still be hunting down Gorillas and that man ape will be dead too." Clayton told him as he frowned in absolute disgust.

"Tch. I'd be ruling Camelot if not for that girl… I shouldn't even be here." The Knight from before spoke up as he was sharing a cell with them.

"At least you all died fighting in someway. I died drowning and falling from a waterfall. BY MICE and a BOY." The fourth voice called out as he was feeling absolutely annoyed as it had a Austrillian Accent to it.

"I had nothing left aside from Mr. Smee…. I guess introductions are in order. I am Captain James Hook." The Pirate called introduced himself as he placed his hat and bowed respectfully.

"Cecil Clayton, a pleasure to meet you again Captain." The first Hunter told him as he was smirking as he was leaning on a wall.

"I am Sir Ruber, formerly of Camelot. I am a Dark Knight." The Orange haired knight introduced himself as he was quite reluctant to do so.

"Percival McLeach at your service." The Austrillian Poacher soon made introduction as Hook smirked a bit as he saw a commonality that he shared with them.

"Well then. When we leave with our souls, I propose an alliance." Hook had made his proposal with utmost confidence on his face.

"And why would I do that?" Ruber asked in a complete distasteful tone in his voice as Hook rolled his eyes.

"Because, you bilge rat, If you plan to leave, then you are to follow my lead. Unless revenge isn't that important to you." The Captain made his explanation quite clear as day as Clayton rolled his eyes at this optimism.

"I've been stuck for years. If I knew where any weak spots to this hell I'd be back already." Clayton scowled at that as he explained their predicament.

"That's because you mortals don't have me on your side." The feminine voice called out as it was being used for telepathy.

"Bloody Hell!" Everyone, but Hook shouted as the Captain merely narrowed his eyes.

"And who are you exactly?" Hook asked as he was quite suspicious as he was still remembering how Maleficent and the crocodile done him in.

"You may call me Medusa, Goddess of Darkness. I'm not some gorgon who would turn you to stone." The Goddess introduced herself as everyone looked around as they were quite doubtful of what they heard.

"So then… Miss Medusa…. If we were to get you on our side, where would we need to go?" The Captain would soon ask as he knew that she was their ticket out of this prison.

"If you're brave enough to go to the deepest parts of Tartarus to get me out, I will provide you mortals with the power needed to escape from this plane of existence." Medusa made her explanation in a deadpan tone as there seemed to be quite the fighting going on as a man in white was currently running for his life.

"No way in hell! I refuse to go back to that place!" The man shouted as there was a few Furies were on the chase as his back was soon on the door as they went to swipe at the man.

However, as they swung their weapons at the man, he dodged out of the way as the cage doors were soon sliced in two, causing the 4 men to smirk.

"Talk about a convenient timing." Clayton muttered in surprise as he was the first to throw a punch at one of the Furies in the face as it had no effect on them while seeing the man take this moment to run.

"You idiot! Let's get out of here!" Ruber scowled as he was soon making a break for it with Hook as McLeach grabbed Clayton and ran with them.

"So we're just gonna release an entrapped Goddess from her prison? How do you know we won't be just her tools again?!" Clayton asked Hook with complete doubt forming into his mind.

"Because… Everyone here desires a form of revenge. I'll be sure to make her listen." Hook told the Hunter as the group of four soon caught up to the man in white.

"Woah! You guys are also prisoners too right?" The man asked as they were soon dodging attacks from the furies left and right.

"Of course. I'm Clayton, the Pirate is Hook, the other Hunter is McLeach, and our knight acquaintance is Ruber. Yourself?" Clayton quickly introduced the cast to the man as he rolled his eyes as he never seen anyone more colorful in his life.

"Fine, Fine. Roman. Roman Torchwick. I'm going to escape from this blasted hellhole and get my revenge on Lil Red and my bitch of a boss!" Roman would soon introduce himself as Hook took this moment to speak up.

"Revenge eh? Why don't you join us? We all have something we want to get revenge on. But for now we need to go deeper into this place!" Hook told the newcomer as Roman rolled his eyes at what he heard.

"You must be an idiot. Why would I go deeper into this place?! I can escape just fine on my-" Roman was starting up his complaints until he saw more Furies showing up as he was seeing them flood the entryway, which would be their exit.

"...Damn… Fine. I'll cooperate for now. I refuse to go back to that hellscape!" Roman scowled at this as desperation was getting to him and soon joined the 5 as they were going deeper and deeper into the pits of Tartarus.

…..

It took what felt like a half hour as Hook, Clayton, Ruber, McLeach, and Roman soon arrived at their destination.

The door was quite sealed as Hook was looking up in awe at this.

"So… Is this wretched place our destination?" Ruber asked as he felt creeped out even by his standards.

"That it is. The door is always unlocked due to Pain and Panic's incompetence. However, in my predicament I can't leave easily." Medusa would explain in her telepathy as Clayton soon opened the door cautiously.

Once the five got inside, they saw a woman with snakes as her hair, wearing a red, black and purple colored dress as she was heavily constricted on her bonds as it was made out of pure mithril and adamantium chains, and even a muzzle and blindfold as she wasn't able to speak or see physically.

"If you free me now. I will grant all of you a second chance at life. Even get rid of the Fury problem." Medusa told them in her usual telepathic means as it was a demand more than a proposition as Hook glared at the bound goddess.

"Fine. We will free you, but you will not treat any of us as tools. And I get to help lead our group of scallywags." Hook told her as he was crossing his arms now.

"You must wish for death Mortal. I refuse to do any of that. You're the ones in need of a powerhouse to escape!" The Goddess shouted back as it boomed across the corridors of her cell while Hook shook his head no in disappointment.

"Fine. I guess you don't want to get vengeance on that God then." Hook made his words quite precise as the Goddess of Darkness groaned on her gag as she seemed to be physically frustrated.

"Tch… Fine. Free me from my bonds and you all will be free to do whatever you wish. Even as far as not being pawns." Medusa scowled as she was made to give in and nodded her head slowly.

"Excellent. Now… To find a way to free you." Hook told her as he was looking around for a weak link in this complete set of metals that bound the goddess.

"Oh to hell with it!" Roman scowled as he got out his faithful cane, Melodic Cudgel, and opted to fire at the chains as it broke from it's post.

This was enough to free the woman as she soon shattered the metals that bound, gagged and blinded her as she was using her powers to now break free.

"Ahh…. Much better… Now… I owe my thanks. But first, the furies problem." Medusa soon told the group as she turned her attention to the Furies as they were visibly horrified, causing them to retreat.

"Good. Now we will le-" Medusa told the group before Hook interrupted her.

"One small thing. I need you to bring back my first mate, Mr. Smee. I can't leave a loyal first mate of mine behind." He told her as the Goddess merely rose an eyebrow as she sighed irritably.

"You ask me far too much mortal. Fine then." She told him as she conjured a portal of darkness as Mr. Smee was soon falling onto the floor in front of Hook.

"Cappin!" Mr. Smee cried out as he was hugging Hook which gave him a mixture of emotions.

"Sorry to be a buzzkill, but we sorta need to leave… Now." Roman cut them off as Medusa was sighing quite irritably as she soon made a second portal of darkness as she rolled her eyes.

"Any location requests?" She asked while Mr. Smee piped up.

"W-We could always go back to the Jolly Roger. It is a mobile ship." He suggested as Hook grinned at the idea.

"Of course! I can capture a fairy and use it's pixie dust on it!" Hook exclaimed causing the four other men to roll their eyes.

"And why not Camelot?" Ruber asked in complete distaste.

"Remnant is the better choice. We can find a good hideout in Vale and-" Roman countered his idea as McLeach rolled his eyes as he couldn't care less.

"So you all can die again?" Clayton asked quite snarkily as Roman and Ruber both frowned as they knew that going back to their bases is quite impossible.

"I do like the ship idea, not liking the pixie dust. I can always imbue it with my magic. Far more permanent than that Pixie dust nonsense." Medusa chimed in as they were soon retreating as they entered through their portal of darkness.

When they left, Pain and Panic went to check to see that Medusa's bonds that kept her contained were soon shattered all over the place.

"Oh no…. Lord Hades won't like this at all when he finds out she escaped…" Panic was muttering in fear as Panic smirked.

"You mean IF he finds out." The pink demon told his compatriot in a reassuring manner.

"If…. If is good…" He told him as he nodded his head feeling quite reassured.

Notes:

Captain Hook and Mr. Smee are both from Disney's Peter Pan/Kingdom Hearts.

Maleficent is from Disney's Sleeping Beauty/Kingdom Hearts

Hades, Pain and Panic are from Disney's Hercules/Kingdom Hearts

Cecil Clayton is from Disney's Tarzan/Kingdom Hearts

Ruber is from Quest for Camelot

McLeach is from Disney's The Rescuers Down Under

Roman Torchwick is from RWBY

Medusa is from the Kid Icarus series


End file.
